


i'm not like someone i'm supposed to be (and i just want some company)

by Ameliapll



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Developing Friendships, Gen, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Journalist Iris West, No character bashing, One Shot, POV Iris West, before Nora and Iris make up, set in season 5a, well its referenced
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-11
Updated: 2020-12-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:00:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28002045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ameliapll/pseuds/Ameliapll
Summary: After her and Nora's fight, Iris West-Allen just wants to go somewhere nobody knows her. Turns out, that's impossible.Or, the Mark and Iris story that I've wanted to write since season 5A.
Relationships: Mark Mardon & Iris West, Mentioned Barry Allen/Iris West
Comments: 4
Kudos: 12





	i'm not like someone i'm supposed to be (and i just want some company)

_I can’t listen to you anymore! It’s always the same condescending ‘I know better than you’ crap!_

Iris sighs, her daughters' words from their fight continuing to rattle around in her head. She had thought that when Nora came back to the past, it was proof that she and Barry got their happy ending. Iris had thought that she would finally be happy. 

Except Nora’s presence had only revealed that Barry never would return from Crisis as they had all thought he would, leaving Iris to rear Nora single handedly, the love of her life gone forever.

And apparently she’d fucked that one up, too. She put a chip in Nora’s neck that dampened her powers and lied to her, for her daughter’s whole life. No wonder she was so cold to Iris.

_And you_ never _change!_

She inhales, a shuddering, minute thing, digging her nails into the flesh of her palms so she doesn’t have more of a reaction. 

She isn’t going to seem weak. She isn’t, because she’s not. She will make it up to her daughter, and Nora will realize she’s not the monster of her story.

Iris just isn’t sure how yet. 

“The hell are you doing in here, West?”

Well, that voice wasn’t her daughters.

Nor is it any more pleasant.

(Or welcome.)

“Mardon,” she greets, turning around. She has to remain cold, she can’t get emotional otherwise the world will burn her alive. “As I think you’ve assumed, I’m here for a story, so…”

She raises an eyebrow, relaxing on her bar stool while still keeping his eye. “Also, it’s West _-Allen_.”

He tilts his head, seemingly acknowledging that. “We don’t like reporters, not with ties to cops and Flash. And _I_ don’t like Wests. Not even West-Allens,”

Iris tries not to frown before it hits her.

“You were, what, sentenced to life in your last trial? Something about robberies, murder, _police_ murder, destruction of private property, breaking James Jesse and Leonard Snart out of prison, torture and unlawful use of dark matter, being an accessory to murder and breaking out of prison,”

She smiles.

It’s not a nice smile.

“But that’s okay. I won’t tell if you don’t, and I’m betting my people are _faster_ than your people,” she says, unlocking her phone. 

He eyes the phone, and then looks back at her with a grudging kind of respect, mixed in with suspicion. “What’s your story?”

She hesitates. Maybe she had just made the story up, so _sue her._ She was tired, she just wanted to go somewhere where no one knew her name, let alone the sins she would commit in the future. 

Apparently she couldn’t even have that. Luckily, Mardon doesn’t know about her daughter. She suspects he would hold that against her. 

He laughs, nastily. “Oh I see. You need a change of scenery? Fight with the Flash? Scarlet Speedster showed he’s not as perfect as you think?”

Something snaps inside Iris and she narrows her eyes. 

“Try my daughter hating me for trying to protect her. Not that you would know about protection of someone else, after all, no one but you matters, right?”

The words tumble out of her, even before she thinks _oh hey wait, didn’t we agree that we wouldn’t let anyone know that Nora was a West and/or an Allen until we thought it through?_

Still, it felt good. Telling someone who wasn’t her husband about their daughter’s treatment of her. 

She glances up. Mardon has a weird _look_ on his face, like he knows what she’s talking about.

“2015. Axel Walker tried to bomb a playground. He targeted kids. Also 2015. Jesse and I sent bombs in Christmas presents to kids,”

His voice has gone soft, almost like he’s not talking to her anymore.

“When I was young, I had a girlfriend...well, actually just someone I used to hook up with...she wanted to rebel against her parents and so she decided on me, the smalltime criminal, the one who sold drugs for cash,”

“You have a child,” Iris murmurs, feeling everything she thought she knew about the Weather Wizard come crashing down.

“Daughter.” he corrects, “name’s Joslyn, but she wants everyone to call her Joss. She’s smart as hell. Obviously that was from her mom, couldn’t have been from me. I wanted to keep her, y’know, I had stupid teenage dreams about raising her behind a white picketed fucking fence. That changed. Obviously. The man who hired Clyde and I threatened me with killing Clyde if I left. So I left Joss and her mom in the maternity ward. Have I thought about trying to be a father to her now? Sure. But I don’t want her to be used against me, so...it’s better if no one knows she exists,”

“Does she know…”

“Yeah. And she hates me. Because I left her to try and protect her. Because everyone but her doesn’t matter. Your turn. Why does your daughter hate you? Thought you’d be everyone’s dream mom,”

“Not with Nora,” Iris sighs. “I took a choice away from her that she didn’t even know she had. To protect her. Because I didn’t want her to get hurt. Like my husband has been, so often. And she can’t understand that I don’t want to just tell her _no_ all the time, but everything she does is so…”

“Excessive?” Mark finishes, nodding. “Same with Joss, even if I was involved in her life, it wouldn’t make a difference because everything she does is dangerous,”

“All I want to do is bond with her,” Iris says, barely hearing him, “all I want to do is have a relationship with my daughter but apparently I’m the worst, most controlling, most terrible parent ever,”

“At least your daughter wants to be in a room with you,” Mark says bitterly, “and hey, I really doubt The Flash would have even looked at you if he thought you would be the shittiest parent ever, let alone still be there for you.”

“From what I heard about you and Clyde, you weren’t the best people. You still aren’t the best person, and that’s putting it lightly.” she says, “but you were a good brother and guardian to him. You looked out for him, protected him. And yeah, you’re, like, the worst, but…”

She shrugs. “Maybe...Joss, was it?...needs to see you as the one who was Clyde’s brother and not as the criminal who left her,”

“Maybe Nora needs to see that you’re not the person who controls her.” he tilts his head, “show her that she can live her life without you saying no,”

Iris nods, before she narrows her eyes. Some information she’s been given isn’t clicking. She looks up. “Hey, uh, you said you left Joss’s life when she was in the maternity ward. Then how do you know so much? Like, you said everything she does is dangerous but how do you know that?”

He shifts and it becomes apparent.

“You’re stalking her,”

“I’m not _stalking_ her. I keep tabs on her, sure. I make sure she’s happy, doing what she loves, and healthy. You don’t have to stalk someone to ensure that happens.”

Iris grins. “Mmmhmm. Sure. I believe you,”

It’s fun to watch the man who tortured her husband squirm as she takes in this new information. 

“The truth is, I was thinking of her the other day and yeah, I left to protect her, but I think I mostly stayed away to protect me,” Mark says quietly. 

She nods, biting her lip, thinking of what happened to make her make such a permanent decision to her daughter. Had she even hesitated or had she gone straight ahead without a second thought? Mark sighs. 

“You should get out of here, West-Allen. Like I said, people in here don’t like cops daughters or heroes wives, or journalists,” 

She nods, actually feeling so much better. Now she has a good game plan of how to win her daughter back and she’s gotten all her bitter, stone-cold anger off her chest.

“Joss will come around,” she says. “Nora’s dad left at an early age too, and she came around. Loves him more than me,”

She wants to add _the parent that stayed_ but it feels odd on her tongue, too bitter and heavy and wrong, considering the circumstances of how Barry left Nora- because he didn’t have a choice. Looking at the two of them only solidifies that reasoning. Despite having known her for a short time, Barry adores Nora. So it feels wrong to imply that he, like Mark, chose to leave. 

Instead, Iris stands up. “Thank you,” she says, a tad too awkwardly. “It’s, uh, nice to know there’s someone who’s daughter hates them as much as mine does,”

“Likewise,” he says, “even if you are a West,”

“West-Allen.” she corrects airily as she leaves.

Later that week, Iris would jump off the top of a building to save her husband, earning Nora’s approval.

At three am, the adrenaline still hasn’t rushed off and she decides the only way to alleviate that is by having caffeine. What could go wrong?

Her phone lights up, a blocked number has texted her.

_Heard that you took a dive. That was badass, West._

Despite everything her father and her husband had told her about hailstone torture and tidal waves and the feeling of lightning being struck into your heart by the object that was meant to save you, she breaks out into a grin. 

“West- _Allen_.” she whispers, but there’s no real heat behind the words and right then and there, in the kitchen with Barry and her daughter asleep on the couch in front of her, she makes a decision.

She is going to have her own Rogue. After all, if Barry can have Captain Cold and Nora can have Spencer Young, then why can’t Iris have Mark Mardon?

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think of this! 
> 
> This was actually part of a larger oneshot but in the end it got too convoluted, so let me know if you'd like to see any other of this collection.


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